Healing Generational Trauma: The Path to Self-Love - Matt O'Neill

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (00:12)
Imagine choosing happiness every single day, even when life throws its toughest challenges. Matt O 'Neill is here to show you how. So welcome to Mindset Mavericks. I'm your host, John Coogan, and today we've got a guest who's dedicating his life to spreading joy and positivity. Matt O 'Neill is a happiness expert whose works positively impacted over 100 ,000 people worldwide. And as a host of Good Mood Revolution podcast and an author of the book by the same name, Matt teaches us how to choose happiness.

even in the face of adversity. So alongside his wife he manages two successful businesses, employs around 80 people, manages a household of four young children and still lives by those happiness principles that he's preaching. So let's explore Matt's journey and discover practical strategies for unlocking true lasting happiness. So first off Matt, thank you very much for being here. I'm really, really pleased to able to get this opportunity to speak. So welcome to Mindset Mavericks.

Matt O'Neill (01:08)
What's up, John? Man, so happy to be here. Thank you for that awesome introduction. That's awesome.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (01:14)
Yeah, it's just so much we could delve into and I think the I want to start off really is we're focusing on the happiness side today and spreading that positive message. So what is it that inspired you to become a happiness expert and how did your journey into happiness begin?

Matt O'Neill (01:27)
Yeah, a lot of unhappiness. A lot of bad moods, feeling bad, self -destructive, self -sabotaging choices, and then chasing what I thought would make me happy and finding out that it didn't actually. And that was money and status and power and success, all of the things that the world tells us is gonna make everything better.

And I think we all have to chase those things because society tells us that that's what we're supposed to do. And then if we get to what we thought was supposed to make us happy, like wake up and say, hey, this didn't actually make me happy. And at that point we can start to ask ourselves some really powerful questions such as what is the purpose of our life here? What are we actually doing here? And then how can I feel so good?

every single day that I don't waste the time that I get.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (02:24)
One of things you touched on was just that you did have lot of unhappiness kind of focusing on those wrong things. Is there something specific you're thinking back to where you've decided to consciously make a change and start focusing on the correct things?

Matt O'Neill (02:41)
Yeah, it's been more of a lifelong thing for me. I was born into generational trauma, like many of us. you know, my grandfather was orphaned on the streets of New York, an immigrant from Ireland. And he didn't have anybody to take care of him. And his family all died from tuberculosis. And he kind of felt like he didn't deserve a family.

and he bounced around from orphanages and gotten lots of trouble. you know, it's going to be a scary thing for an eight -year -old to feel like they're all alone and they have to fend for themselves. so basically, the world was really harsh and scary for him. And he felt a lot of shame, like, I don't deserve much and I'm not much. And it was all a lie. was just his circumstances. His circumstances were hard circumstances. So when he had his children, my dad,

he was really hard on them. And he wanted to beat them down before the world beat him down to make sure that they knew how tough the world was. And also, because he didn't have like a mom to hold him and love him and a dad to teach him how to act right. He didn't know how to be a parent. No one taught him. So he was a terrible dad. And then my dad, you know, grew up thinking he was worthless because his dad told him he was.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (04:00)
Thank

Matt O'Neill (04:02)
And by the time I was born, my dad was telling me I was worthless because he didn't have anyone to show him how to like, you know, express love or how to be kind or he basically was a like a maniac. And it was really difficult to be raised by a maniac. You don't know if they're going to come in and be excited and happy or if they're going to come in and it's going to be the worst day of your life. And our whole family was always on eggshells. And so, you know, at a very young age, I didn't like myself.

I didn't enjoy being alive. I didn't think that I was any good. And the only thing that made like my parents proud of me was when I came home with good grades. So I became a perfectionist and said, here's what I'll do. I'll just outperform the world. And through performance, I'll prove that I am worthwhile. And, you know, and what happens when you don't actually like yourself or you don't think you're worthwhile. And this is this was my story.

growing up, and a lot of us deal with this, thinking we're unlovable unless we perform, is that you put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect that you start to crack. And then for me, that turned into addiction. And I just kind of wanted to shut off all the negativity. So drinking and drugs on a daily basis was a good way to shut the brain off because the brain wasn't helping me. It was telling me how awful I was and how terrible I was doing. But in yet at the same time, I had to perform.

played a really high level to prove that I was worthwhile. So I was performing just like with all these cracks, right? Like my whole, the whole structure was just full of cracks. And anyway, so that's the brief history of the O 'Neill line. And basically what we need to do is we have to heal the part of us that doesn't feel lovable and recognize that we don't have to prove anything. That we were inherently lovable the way we are.

any mistakes we've made are completely fine and forgiven, and that actually the best path to being a light in the world is to love ourselves first.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (06:03)
It's really interesting just hearing how much of an impact that generational trauma might say does get passed down whether it's subconsciously and you might not even be aware of it and I'd imagine you weren't aware of it at the initial stages. When was it that you became a bit more self -aware and started to realise those patterns in your life and your generation's?

Matt O'Neill (06:24)
Yeah, it's through books and study and podcasts like this and learning from people who like really knew stuff. I didn't I didn't want to read any books. I was like I wasn't a reader and somebody gave me a movie. It was called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne when I was 25. And in that movie, she said, hey, your entire life, all the good, all the bad is because of the way you're thinking.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (06:42)
See you then.

Matt O'Neill (06:54)
And so if something bad is happening, you're creating it, you're attracting it to you with negative thinking and negative emotions. And if something really good is happening, good news, you're attracting that to you with positive vibration, high vibration emotions and high vibration thoughts. And so I looked at my life and I was like, man, there's not a lot of good here. There's a bunch of conflict. There's a bunch of people that I'm enemies with that don't like me and I don't like them. There's a lot of feelings of, you know.

anger and angst and fear and anxiety. I'm like, man, if I just change these feelings and these thoughts, my whole life could improve, right? So I really focused on how to change those feelings and how to change those thoughts. And then over the course of next two decades, I just dove into self -improvement, learning from the greatest gurus in the world on how to make my mind a more beautiful place to be.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (07:47)
just trying to listen back to your story and some things you're telling me. I'm trying to just understand a little bit more. was it, do you feel like it was the feelings that you had was things that were being done to you and about you and it wasn't your choice or what was your mentality at that time?

Matt O'Neill (08:06)
yeah, absolutely. I totally felt like a victim. A thousand percent. And you being in law enforcement, I'm sure many of the people that you saw that you were correcting and helping cannot cause harm to themselves and others, they also probably felt like a victim of circumstance. That's why the secret was such an awakening for me. It was a moment where I realized I was never a victim. Then in fact, maybe when I was five.

and my dad was a maniac. Maybe then I was a victim. But once I became 18 and I became a man, it was now my responsibility to clean up any issues I had mentally and grow myself into a person that could have whatever I wanted. And this is the truth for all of us, is that we truly can have whatever we want. And the only thing that's stopping us are our own thoughts and our own emotions.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (08:32)
you

Yeah, I think that's one of difficult things is having that realisation that by taking that control and saying I only charge my own happiness, it's recognising that you might have been responsible for some things that haven't gone right in your life. And I think that's quite a difficult step to take. So can you think of some actionable steps that people can start to implement to change that mindset and start thinking more positively?

Matt O'Neill (09:20)
Yeah, there's some super simple ones that we all know. And part of this is wanting happiness more than we want what's comfortable. And, you know, obviously, we understand that when we exercise, that makes our body feel good. Well, when we exercise our body, it also makes our mind clear. So I wasn't exercising on a consistent basis in my 20s. And through the self improvement research,

I started to realize that consistent exercise routine was one of the best things I could do for my mental state. At this point, I exercise just about every single day of the year. I don't really know if there's a day that goes by that I'm not moving my body in some way. And it doesn't have to be like weights. don't have to, for me, weights is one of the things I enjoy doing, but it could just be walking. You could just go for a walk every single day. But as we move our body and we exercise our body, our mind,

becomes more clear. Also, we get like this confidence. We're like, man, I'm taking care of myself. And you know what? I look pretty good because now I feel pretty confident in my body and you start to move in a more confident way and then your mind becomes more confident and confidence is one of the signatures of a happy mind. So very simple, but exercising the body on a really consistent basis is gonna make us a happier person.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (10:41)
I might say there's just so many benefits for it. For me, certainly, similar to your workout frequently and for me it works one of two ways, either working hard, doing that exercise, be completely focused on what's in front of you and what you're up to and you forget any other worries or any other stresses. Alternatively, you can be alone in your thoughts, you've got your headphones on, you can really concentrate on whatever it is that's bothering you and work through that as well. As well as just those physiological benefits, there's just so much.

scope for improving your mental health by exercising.

Matt O'Neill (11:15)
Yeah, it's actually the number one antidepressant pill.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (11:19)
And talking some of the principles that we are going through about happiness, I know you've got your podcast, you've got your book, Good Mood Revolution, and you've already helped countless people. Can you explain some of the principles behind the revolution?

Matt O'Neill (11:34)
Yeah, you know, the first half of the book is about conquering the eight bad moods that we all encounter as human beings. And there's really just eight negative thoughts. Their shame, which we discussed, was like a, and that's the worst one, the feeling that we're not lovable as we are. And then there's this feeling of guilt or judgment, where we want to judge other people as wrong, and then we want to be a perfectionist on ourself. That's another thing that I kind of dealt with myself. And we all kind of deal with it.

I don't know a single person that's not judging other people. It's just kind of something we do. However, it does get in the way of happiness. You cannot be judging someone and be happy at the same time. It doesn't coexist. The next one is a feeling of hopelessness or overwhelm. We all know when we feel overwhelmed that we're not happy. So that's gonna get in the way of it. And then there's this like...

feeling of sadness that they can come over us. Some people would call it depression, other people might just call it a feeling of being emotionally hurt, being overly emotional. And when we're in that state, we don't wanna stay there, but you can live there. You can live as kind of an emotionally hurt person. And we certainly know people like that. And I get that way, we all do. All of this stuff is human. From there, we move into...

a little bit more of a constructive form of negativity and that's anxiety or fear, like fearing what could go wrong and then being hyper vigilant and making sure we're protecting ourselves from all this stuff that could go wrong. A little bit higher on the emotional scale after that is this kind of pursuit or lust of what we want. And this is where the secret comes in. So for me, I was stuck below the desire.

And I was stuck in the anxiety and fear and the sadness and the hurt and in the hopelessness and overwhelm and the guilt judgment and in the shame that I'm not enough. And if we stay down there, as soon as we get to desire, we're like, this is amazing. I just want to focus on everything I want. I want to be attractive. I want to have power. I want to have money. I want to have fame. And that can feel so good and so empowering when we've been stuck in the lowest of the bad moods. However,

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (13:27)
Thank

Matt O'Neill (13:45)
As we started out this whole conversation, once you get to that point and you chase after all of that external stuff, you hopefully wake up and realize that that was not actually what it was all about. And that there's so many levels beyond that of happiness that come from all the good moods. And that's what the second half of the book is about. The second half of the book is about the eight positive feelings that actually create a lasting happiness where every single day can be a joy.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (14:03)
Thank

Matt O'Neill (14:13)
When we're stuck in that desire for more, it's insatiable. And no matter how much we achieve, we're not truly happy.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (14:19)
There's so many of those things you're saying about there, but you can definitely see how social media is increasing all those feelings, all the feelings of, yeah, jealousy, of envy, and I'd say just comparison, judgement, and there's just so many of those things which are surrounding us completely every single day now. So how do you combat some of those?

Matt O'Neill (14:28)
Ugh, dude, social media's the worst.

Yeah, and that's why we're in this mental health crisis too. I watched that movie, The Social Network with my daughter, and the rate of teen suicide is up 400 % just since the onset of social media. Four times more teens are killing themselves because of social media. And the comparison comes from it. Well,

It's not just teens that are being affected and making themselves feel awful. It's us. It's the adults that are also on social media that are making ourselves feel awful with this constant comparison and this constant, you know, that's that emotion of desire or lust for more. It is insatiable and it is not happiness. And I love what you said about exercise. This is one of the beauties of exercise. As we exercise, we get so focused on the movement, we actually shut the brain down.

We're in the present. And when we're in the present moment, the present moment is full of joy and opportunity and hope. It's only when we get into our head and we think we're not enough, and that's why we need something else, another goal, that that's where we start to feel bad about ourselves as we are right now.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (15:43)
you

in terms of social media, are there things that you do for example that protect you against all those feelings that social media can bring about? Are you a big social media person or do you put your phone away and leave it locked up for 12 hours? What's your take on it?

Matt O'Neill (16:06)
Yeah, the phone is the enemy of happiness. So again, it's the present moment is where happiness resides. You can only be joyful in this moment right where you are with whatever's around you. Hopefully it's nature or someone you love or somebody that you care for, even a stranger that you can express love to, or you're just experiencing yourself in a quiet contemplative way or a great book or a great podcast. In the moment.

being engaged in what is happening around you is happiness. When we're like this at our phone and we're staring down, we're just living in our head and there's a good line for this. When you're in your head, you're dead. You're no longer present. You're no longer happy. We cannot be lost in our thoughts about the future or the past and truly be experiencing happiness unless we're contemplating gratitude or how much we love life or how much we love somebody.

So those are good thoughts to engage in, but most of the time our thoughts are kind of ruminating and telling us that we're not good enough and telling us what we don't like and telling us how we're not enough and what else we need to make ourselves feel enough. And those thoughts are just really repetitive. And that's usually what we're going through in our mind, especially with social media. So some practical things. I love talking about just what can we do to make it better? Again, through everything I've read, starting the day with our phone is not a good way to start the day.

So at night when I go to bed, I turn my phone on airplane mode. That way when I wake up and the alarm goes off, I go to pick up my phone and it's on airplane mode. And I go to check all my apps and it says, your phone's in airplane mode, you can't do this. And I'm like, okay, well I just protected myself from getting lost in my phone. And so I then moved to journaling and prayer and meditation.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (17:49)
Thank

Matt O'Neill (17:58)
and reading things that are gonna make my mind expand and grow today without getting caught in the phone. Now, of course, I do check email later, you know, after I send my kids to school and I do my exercise, but this is like probably three or four hours after I wake up, do I actually get into what does the email say and who needs me and what are my demands of life? And we can all do this. We can all take this space to live phone free in the morning. At night, when I come home from work,

On the drive home, I physically turn my phone off in the car. Otherwise, I'll find myself calling that last phone call, getting that last rep of work in, getting the last thing done, checking my email as I drive, You know, putting myself in danger, potentially giving my family a terrible accident and not having a father to raise them anymore. So I turn my phone off. And then when I walk in the house, I'm ready to be present with my kids. And then it doesn't come back on until after they go to bed.

These are hard disciplines to set up in the beginning when we're so addicted to the dopamine the phone gives us. However, it will give you your life back. You will start to say, my gosh, I am so much happier every morning. I'm so much happier every night. My relationships, the things that really matter, like my relationships with my kids and my spouse and the people I care about, they are so rich that I feel amazing every single day. And these are just two simple tricks.

that can get you your life back.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (19:27)
I can imagine a ton of people out there hearing that, the idea of a business leader, manager turning phones off and turning notifications off. And I imagine that could actually put a lot of fear into people as well, the idea that they're going to miss something or they're going to get behind. So what ways can you try and combat those thoughts? Is it just really a matter of weighing up the positives against the negatives? Or what's a good way to start getting into those habits?

Matt O'Neill (19:56)
Yep. So the first thing is, is what I said before, you need to chase the external rewards to find out that there's no happiness there and it never ends. And no matter how much you achieve or how much money you make or how many deals you do or how many people you impress with your business acumen, it will never ever be enough to make you happy. And once you chase that long enough, hopefully you wake up from it and say, I don't need more money. Even if I have

$10 million in the bank or $100 million in the bank or a billion in the bank, it doesn't create happiness. What I need is I need to live the life I have today in a happy way. And so you start to realize that what you have is already enough to be totally joyful. And yeah, I don't I don't do as many deals as other people. I don't have as big a business success as I could not as when I was fully focused on just growing my business and my phone was on 24 seven and I was on 24 seven.

I was more successful in the eyes of the world, but I was less successful in the eyes of my children.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (21:02)
having that approach to how you're doing business, how does that resonate across your company? I think you've got around 80 employees, you've got quite a significant turnover in your business, so how does that impact your business as a whole and your staff and your managers and throughout the company?

Matt O'Neill (21:25)
Happy people are the best predictor of profit. So when the CEO of the organization says, prioritize my mental health and my happiness and my family, and I want everyone in this company to do the same thing, people show up not burned out. They show up excited to work as hard as they can during their work hours for you. When they're working over 40 hours a week, I say, I don't want you working over 40 hours a week.

How can we get this job done in a way where you get your responsibilities done and you get to be with your family? And so then that becomes the culture. Guess what? They show up and they're so happy. And so every client that calls, it's miserable because a bunch of people in the world are miserable and they want to complain and vent. My employees are so happy that they're able to flip them around. And then we get rave reviews and we get all of these repeat customers and people say, you got to work with these guys because they're so amazing to work with.

They don't say I was an awful a -hole to them and then they were just awesome with me. But that's what they're saying when they continue to give us rave reviews and refer all their friends. We were named the number one company to work for out of 470 ,000 companies in the state of South Carolina. And every single year we're in the top 10 places to work. And it's because at the top, I say I want a happy life. And for me, I want a happy life. And then for everyone around me, I want them to have a happy life. And it just...

just extends out. so yeah, know, Elon Musk has a different philosophy. He says, I want you to work 80 to 100 hours a week if you're gonna work here. And if you don't, you don't fit the culture. I'm sure with all of his billions of dollars that he's a more successful CEO than I am. However, I wouldn't put anyone up against our company in terms of how happy and fulfilled we all are versus any other company.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (23:17)
And certain policies that you put in place, obviously that's a significant achievement being the top company to work for. So what policies have you put in place to make that the environment in your company? Have you got policies around annual leave or working times or working from home, flexible working? What things have you done to make that a better place for employees?

Matt O'Neill (23:41)
Yeah, you know, I read Jim Collins book, to Great, years and years ago. And in my biggest takeaway from Jim, he said that the great enduring companies have just five core values, and they live by them. And those five core values were something that we set up and the first core value is integrity. We say what we're going to do, and then we do it. And we don't skimp.

So to have an integrist person who's willing to act with honesty and always follow through, that's a really high level person that's not hung up on a bunch of negative emotions because negative emotions cause sabotage. number one, I'm hiring people who already have an emotional intelligence. And if they don't, like I'm an expert at this stuff. And so I'm always giving coaching and teaching about how to feel better in your life. And then we attract other people that want that.

that wanna work in a place that values integrity. Our second core value is kindness. And as I said, people aren't always kind to us, but our response has to be kind. And here's the thing with core value one and two, if somebody lacks integrity, we don't give them second chances. If somebody steals from us, if somebody steals from somebody else within our firm, if somebody harms a client intentionally, there's not a second chance for that. And, you know, I...

I know that may sound harsh. However, we make it known upfront that stealing and cheating and lying and doing things that are in an honest way that doesn't work in our culture. And if somebody violates that, it's just not a good fit for us. And so what happens when we take out the bad apples, we don't allow them to then deteriorate the whole culture of integrity because everyone else really values that they can just feel safe.

They can show up and feel safe that no one's out there to harm them and that everyone around them is looking for their best interest. And then on kindness, of course we have second chances. Kindness, some days life is tough, right? Some days you're going through some hard things in your relationship. Some days something's going on with your spouse or your child and you show up to work with kind of the weight of the world on your shoulders and you're not kind. However, it being a core value, our goal is to respond to that person with kindness and say, hey, what's going on?

You know, what's going on at home? What's going on that's creating this type of animosity with you right now? And typically it is something going on. Now, that being said, we've had to let people go who just perpetually cannot be kind. And again, if someone's unkind to the staff members or to our clients, it's just not a good long -term fit. So those two core values right there, it sounds so simple.

But just living by those two and like truly living by them has created the environment that made us the best place to work.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (26:34)
I think that's fantastic. It's good to hear about you talking about responding to harsh comments or unkindness with kindness. So I think particularly with social media, you do see people trolling on social media or putting out those negative comments. And quite often it is actually they're the person who needs the most kindness back. And it is due to them not being happy. So it's really good to hear that's the culture you've got within your company.

Matt O'Neill (27:01)
Well, yeah, every single interaction from somebody is either a loving gesture or they're crying out to be loved. That's all we care about is to be loved or to give love. And so if somebody is being super rude, what they're really saying is I need more love in my life and I'm not feeling it.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (27:23)
Looking back at the experiences you've had growing up and the kind of thing of shame of not really having a safe environment in terms of physical safety of places to live and having those experiences, do you think you would have still turned out the same person you are now or how do you feel that they positively have impacted you now?

Matt O'Neill (27:49)
Yeah, that's the full circle of it is I, one of my core beliefs is that I chose my parents. I chose the challenges that I was born into when I was a victim. And I felt like I didn't have the dad I wanted and that God didn't love me and didn't care for me and didn't want to protect me. And in fact, that I was looked down upon and that I was unfavored. These were the thoughts that were going through my head when I was a victim.

When I became accountable, I said, well, that's just a story. I don't know if that story is true. What's a really positive story? And so a really positive story is that I'm an eternal soul and that I wanted to learn how to create more love in the world. And to do that, I had to be thrown into the fire of total unlove. And so...

I believe I chose the parents I chose so that I would suffer the way I suffered so I could help other people not suffer.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (28:51)
What tips can you give to people who want to make that same change that you have? Because it's not an easy thing to do. Are there practical tips? I one of the ones you mentioned was journaling, but how has that helped you?

Matt O'Neill (29:01)
Yeah, I'll just tell you the things I do because I don't like to preach things that I've read that I don't personally do. But every single day, I write down three things I did well the day before. This is my first thing I do. I grab a piece of paper and I grab a pen and I just write down three things I did well the day before. This is a really important thing.

Man, I don't even know where I got it, but I've been doing it for 15 years. What happens is, in the morning, I think of the day before and I'm like, okay, what did I do well yesterday? At first, your mind is like nothing. I didn't do anything well. Yesterday was a total disaster. It all went wrong. I don't think I accomplished anything. I was just running around and nothing good happened. But if you force yourself to come up with three things you did well, you'll think of them. And they could be small.

Like, you know, yesterday I cooked dinner for my family. My wife needed to get some work done and I cooked dinner for my family. And then yesterday I skipped a work meeting because it was meet the teachers with my kids' school. And so I went in and I supported my children and I met their teachers. And then yesterday I played basketball with my friends and I actually hit the game winning shot. And so even though the other game I didn't play that great in that one moment when it mattered.

They passed me the ball and I hit the shot. Those are my real three things from yesterday. this is what happens is today I'm now my brain is keeping an open file for what I'm doing good. What I'm doing well, it's saying, man, you did that good, Matt. Hey, you did really great there. Man, you're actually doing pretty great today. And you know what happens is I start to notice everyone around me and I'm like, man, John.

You've got an amazing podcast. Dude, you're such a good host. I've been listening to your episodes and you're a great question asker and you really know how to keep a conversation going in a great direction. That's actually what I did when I got on the call with you today. It's because when I'm noticing, well, when I'm noticing everything I'm doing well, I'm noticing what everyone around me is doing well. And guess what happens? You become super positive, encouraging and uplifting and it's not fake. It's because

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (31:04)
it yeah and I could listen to it all day.

Matt O'Neill (31:18)
you now have retrained your brain to notice what's good. And what's good is always available. So is what's wrong. But everyone else in the world can tell you what's wrong and judge and say that everything sucks and that this is bad and the world's going to hell in a handbasket and everything else they wanna say. For me, I'm like, man, all I see around me is good. Everywhere I see, I see people doing well. I see all this great stuff happening.

And it's just a different lens. And it's because every morning I start the morning writing down three things I did well the day before. It changed everything.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (31:50)
Yeah, and I love that take on it. You hear three things from gratitude frequently as one of the self -help things you see frequently reading books. But I've not really heard three things I did good yesterday, and I think that's an amazing task for you. So I'm really pleased to hear that from you. In terms of gratitude as well, is that something that you do focus on? I know you've said about you recognising good things in others, but is that one of the parts of the journey that you've taken high?

Matt O'Neill (32:17)
I can't overdo gratitude. Yeah, gratitude has so many places in my life. It's actually the very first thing I do when I wake up. So I've got a sign next to my bed. It's been there again for 15 years and it says thank you on it. And so when my feet hit the floor, my first foot hits the floor and it says thank and my second foot hits the floor and I say you.

And then as I'm walking to turn off my alarm, I'm saying, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. All through the house, I'm saying, thank you, thank you, thank you. If I had bad dreams, last night we were watching Deadpool 2, right? Super violent, super crazy movie, right? I might've had crazy dreams because of that movie. It doesn't matter if I wake up anxious or violent or angry because of what input I put in my mind, I change it with my first thought of the day being a thought of gratitude.

Yeah, and then after I write my three things I did well, I do write three new things for this day I'm grateful for. And then before every single meal, we pray to God and we say, God, thank you for this blessing and thank you for that blessing and thank you for this food that we have in front of us and thank you for this day and thank you for the people here. And so I'm praying before I eat, I'm praying when I wake up, I'm praying in my journal, gratitude, gratitude, we cannot overdo thank you.

It is probably the signature emotion of happiness.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (33:42)
How much do you see that reflected back as well? You're spreading that much happiness and you're being thankful to people all the time and you're seeing that being mirrored back to you frequently now.

Matt O'Neill (33:54)
It doesn't matter. Yeah, most of the world is emotionally wounded. That's why I talk about what I talk about because 80 % of people are wounded and they don't, not everybody has gratitude for me, but it doesn't matter. I have gratitude for me and I have gratitude for them and I have gratitude for the sun shining and I have gratitude for food on my table and I have gratitude that my body is working and that my heart is beating and that my children are alive. And so my day is beautiful.

because of my gratitude, I don't need it reflected back to me.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (34:27)
with your podcast and your book, what is the legacy that you want to be leaving behind? What is it you want to achieve through your podcast and your book?

Matt O'Neill (34:36)
I don't know. John, that's a good question, Hey, you're on this journey too. I'd love to flip it around. What's the legacy you want to leave with Mindset Mavericks?

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (34:45)
think similar to what you've said, a lot of it is around I've had a lot of experience in my life, lot of having been positive. My little brother died when he was 24 and then my stepdad passed away two years after that when he was raising money in memory of my little brother. So I've certainly had quite a lot of trauma, had a lot of those experiences and whilst trying to run a business.

Matt O'Neill (35:02)
Mmm.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (35:09)
and trying to run a business and having all those personal issues. It can be a really difficult thing to do and there's not people there to walk you through or give you guidance or be able to empathise and say I can understand what that must be like. And I think by sharing stories like this and how you actually get through those moments.

is what I want to share. I to make people's lives easier whether it is in business or whether it is through their personal journeys and that's really what I want to do with this podcast and it's just trying to make the path of other people a little bit easier by using experiences myself and guests like yourself.

Matt O'Neill (35:46)
That's beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss too. That's too young to lose somebody.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (35:52)
Yeah, and it is, I say it's difficult when I think historically a lot of businesses have been able to leave their problems at the door and having that kind of mindset and not showing vulnerability and it does make it difficult to actually...

exist as a human being and have that emotional connection and be happy when you feel like you can't be your authentic self so to speak. So I think that's one of the messages I want to put forward and it seems like that's definitely the message you're putting across too and it is showing that kindness and empathy and understanding.

Matt O'Neill (36:28)
Yeah, and loss, this is the emotion of sadness that we touched on earlier. Loss, there's never gonna be a time we lose somebody we love that we don't hurt, never. If they matter to us, the more we love them, the more it hurts when we lose them.

And, but that's the thing is that sadness and hurt are the other side of happiness. And so we can't have beautiful, joyful, incredible relationships without knowing that one day we're going to be heartbroken. But it's worth it. It's worth it. you know, the relationships and the happiness and the joy we get from these relationships is always worth the heartache that comes on the other side. it, you know, every time

I experience loss or I hear of somebody who experiences loss, it makes me say I need to cherish who's in my life even more right now, because there's no guarantee they're going to be here tomorrow. And I need to tell them how much I love them today. And I actually have to live it today, because this could be my last day with them. So let's just go for it.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (37:36)
And that is a great message. is showing that gratitude for what's going on in your life, for what all the things are to appreciate that are often overlooked. So I think that's a great message. What I wanted to finish off with is just to give you an opportunity with any final messages you want to leave with our listeners. Is there anything you would like to say, a final thought, a final take, where you'd like them to get from this interview?

Matt O'Neill (38:02)
Yeah, the final takeaway is continue to listen to Mindset Mavericks. That John has got his heart and his soul aligned in the right place to continue to pour into you. can tell you that from the way he's preparing to the way he's creating this entire show, it is one that is designed to make you the best that you can be. And I couldn't be more honored to be here with you today.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (38:28)
Really appreciate your comments and I can only echo it. I've been listening to your podcast and yeah, I love the message you're putting out so I'd definitely be a keen follower. If some of our listeners want to follow up and find out a bit more about what you're doing, where can we find out more information about you and your book?

Matt O'Neill (38:47)
Yeah, the book is on Amazon. It's called Good Mood Revolution. And again, it goes into those eight things that are keeping us from happiness. And then the second half is all about strategies to just stay happy. Like we can't ignore that if we lose someone, we're going to be sad. We cannot ignore that. That's a truth. So just trying to shove those emotions on the rug isn't going to do it. We need to actually process those emotions. And that book teaches us how to do that.

Jon Coogan - Mindset Mavericks (39:12)
Fantastic and that's a great message you're putting out there. I'd love to love all of our listeners to get your book and learn some those important messages and just spread the positivity in the world. So thank you very much for being on and I'm really looking forward to getting this released and getting our listeners to hear more about you. Thank you very much.

Matt O'Neill (39:32)
Thanks, Sean.